If only I could relive last night a thousand times

I really can't get over the feeling that last night was a dream. I was at an AFI show in San Francisco alone. I was surrounded by a bunch of Despair Faction members that I recognized from the message boards or twitter....People I had known about for years, but never seen before. I didn't talk to anyone...I get shy like that. I had a jacket on, sleeves rolled up, cut off jean shorts with ripped tights under them. I was wearing the Crash Love shirt I got at the Fresno show. I cut it up so the neckline was low, and the mixture of sweat and the pulling/pushing crowed stretched it out. I had to keep pulling it up to prevent my boobs from hanging out the whole night. I was standing at the center of the stage, one person from the gate... really the perfect spot. I felt like Davey Havok was singing right to me the whole night. When he crowd walked during Coin Return, I was there holding him up. Later he front flipped over my head...WHAT. I helped push a kid over the barrier, onto stage. At times the show felt like those old punk AFI videos from 1998 I've watched a thousand times. Other times it felt like dancey liberation..whatever that means... all I know is that I felt free. The set list of a lifetime:

Medicate
Girl's Not Grey
The Leaving Song Pt. II
I Am Trying Very Hard To Be Here
Kill Caustic
End Transmission
It Was Mine
Coin Return
Beautiful Thieves
Dancing Through Sunday
Too Shy To Scream
Theory of Revolution
On The Arrow
...But Home is Nowhere
The Interview
Miss Murder
Darling, I Want To Destroy You
Love Like Winter
Silver and Cold


How am I so lucky to have experienced last night? Because it did really happen...it wasn't a dream. I have to keep telling myself that. The AFI show of my dreams really happened. One of the greatest AFI shows of all time...I was there.

If only I could relive last night a thousand times. I don't want to ever forget it.





EDIT: (4/4/10) A few nights ago I had a dream that I was at this really amazing AFI show. Usually when I wake up from dreams like that I'm crushed that it wasn't real and long to return to the dream. This time I woke up and didn't care at all, because I ACTUALLY did experience one of the greatest AFI shows of all time. I'm starting to believe it, but I still can't believe it.

Those are the experiences we really live for. I'm so lucky to have that night. It's all mine. Besides DFers I kind of know through the internet, no one I know was there that night. As selfish as it is, because I experienced that night alone I don't have to share it with anyone. I think being there alone really adds to the dream-like feeling about that night that I can't get over. Even though there are videos all over YouTube of the show, David, Gabe, or Jamie weren't there to go over the events of the night a thousand times to prove they really happened. In my every day life, in my reality, I'm the only one that was there that night. It really could have been a dream, and I wouldn't know the better.

Well if anything here's one of the only remotely decent photos I took that night (unfortunately on my phone):


Really the only proof of the reality of my perspective.